Eavesdropping- a KakuHidan

Hidan swung his legs out of bed, swiping at his eyes with one arm before pushing himself up and standing upright on his feet. As the sleep dissipated from his mind, the masochist was able to make a few deductions.

Judging from the frost on the window, the numb sensation in his feet and the fact that the floor was tile, he was able, in a matter of a second to deduce that the floor he was standing on was freezing. Hidan paused for another millisecond before he began performing the appropriate response to such a revelation.

“Ow! Fuck, Kakuzu this floor is fucking cold!”

Another brilliant discovery by none other than Hidan.

Grumbling slightly to himself at the lack of response, he whipped around to confront his partner about ignoring him, only to discover his side of the bed was empty. There was another pause, during which the Jashinist decided that, since he was already up, he may as well get breakfast. And if his partner was in the kitchen as well, then he could still bitch about the floor.

With a nod and a slight smirk, Hidan turned to exit his room, padding down the hallway almost silently. At the end of the hall lay the living room, the kitchen was just beyond that. Hidan almost turned into the room when he heard Deidara’s exasperated voice.

“Look guys, I’m telling you it’s got to be Hidan, un!”

Hidan paused for a moment, flushing slightly with anger. Just as he was about to go out and tell that little shit what he thought of talking about people behind their backs, Sasori spoke.

“Deidara, there’s simply no way that’s the case. Kakuzu is much more likely.” Hidan frowned, his anger gone as soon as it had come, and he leaned forwards to listen more intently.

“But Hidan’s so strong!” Deidara argued. Hidan felt a glow of pride; perhaps it was better that he hadn’t gone out and punched out the blonde after all. Sasori snorted.

“He’s not strong; he’s just deliberately reckless because he can be. Kakuzu is much more powerful, and therefore he gets my vote.” Hidan felt the prickles of anger once more, but his curiosity was getting the better of him. Were they perhaps talking about who would catch a Jinchuuriki first? He let that thought roll around in his mind before deciding, with a satisfied nod, that was most likely the case.

“He’s strong yeah, but Hidan is too. And he isn’t that reckless, he knows where to draw the line.” Deidara defended his position stubbornly, before turning to the other members for support.

“What do you think Itachi, un?”

“Hn.”

“Oh come on, you can talk for once in your life, yeah.”

“…Hn.”

“Itachi, answer Deidara,” Sasori snapped, losing his patience. Deidara cast his partner a surprised, yet grateful look. Itachi glared, and Kisame cleared his throat to step in.

“He did answer.”

“No he didn’t, yeah! All he said was-”

“Hn.”

“Exactly!”

“Deidara…” Kisame sighed, “What he obviously said, if you’d been paying attention was ‘This conversation is stupid and I can feel myself losing brain cells simply by being in this room. However, if I absolutely must insert my opinion, my vote would be for Kakuzu.”

The two artists and Hidan stared at Kisame in a stunned silence for a moment before Itachi nodded with a satisfied, “Hn,” and snuggled closer to his partner. Deidara blinked twice before chuckling nervously.

“Okay then…un…But I still think Hidan’s more likely! Right, Kisame?”

The shark shrugged, looking slightly sheepish.

“Eh, sorry Dei, but I’m gonna have to side with Sasori on this one.”

“Oh come on, un!” Deidara looked slightly put out and angry, but it was nothing compared to how the masochist felt. Did they really believe he was that incompetent? His cheeks flushed angrily and he automatically reached for his scythe. He’d show those mother fuckers who could catch a Jinchuuriki…

“Well, maybe Deidara has a point Sasori. I mean, I can’t imagine Hidan being that defenseless,” came Kisame’s voice. Hidan smiled, gripping his scythe tighter as he debated whether he should stick around to hear more or reveal himself and prove the shark’s point. Deidara also brightened up considerably.

“Yeah, yeah un!” he cheered enthusiastically, turning to his partner and pointing an accusing finger. “Sasori, you’re just disagreeing to argue with me, un.” The puppeteer looked affronted and crossed his arms moodily.

“I am not.”

“You are so. See you’re arguing with me right now, yeah!”

“No I’m not.”

“Hn,”

“Oh for God’s sake Itachi, talk like a person we can all understand or don’t say anything at all!” Sasori snapped. The Uchiha stared unblinkingly for a moment before looking up at his partner and pouting. Kisame was immediately on the defensive.

“Hey, don’t take your issues out on Itachi!” He glared at the other two, tightening his hold a bit around the Uchiha. Sasori sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“It doesn’t matter anyway, does it Deidara? It’s all just hypothetical.” Hidan frowned, arching an eyebrow. Catching Jinchuuriki wasn’t “hypothetical” it was the whole point of the organization! And unless Sasori was dumber than Tobi on crack, he knew that.

“Yeah but…” Deidara paused for a moment before sticking out his bottom lip in what he apparently thought was a defiant gesture, but was so cute it made Hidan want to hurl.

“I still think Hidan would be on top, un.”

Waaaaaaaiiiiiit. Blondie say what now??

“Look, Kakuzu would be the seme, end of story.” Sasori countered. Hidan barely heard him over the anger roaring in his ears. Screw listening on the sidelines, he was going to go in there and give them a piece of his mind.

“Oi, dipshits!” He called striding out from the hallway. All the other members looked at him in annoyance at being addressed as such, before catching the murderous glare on his face. Even Itachi looked slightly nervous, activating his Sharingan as a precaution. It was silent for a moment, and as waves of anger rolled off of the Jashinist, Deidara apparently thought it was his duty to do damage control.

“Uh…hey Hidan, un!” He gave a nervous chuckle and waved a bit too hard, whacking himself in the head and nearly knocking himself unconscious. Hidan said nothing, either too angry to speak or trying to figure out how to best jam all the cusswords he could into his speech. The only warning anyone else receive before he began was a quick breath, then…

“WHAT THE FUCK, YOU DISGUSTING PIECES OF SHIT!! I’M NOT SOME BITCH FOR MY COCK SUCKING PARTNER! YOU’RE ALL FUCKED UP IN THE FRICKING HEAD, I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE EVEN TALKING ABOUT THIS BEHIND OUR FUCKING BACKS-”

“If we talked about it to your face, you’d kill us,” Sasori interjected, with a brave attempt at looking boredly superior. His failure was obvious when Hidan brought his scythe forwards a little and he flinched heavily.

“AND WHAT’S WITH THIS ‘KAKUZU’S ON TOP’ CRAP!! DO YOU REALLY THINK I’D BE SO FUCKING LAME AS TO TAKE IT UP THE ASS EVERY GODDAMNED NIGHT LIKE SOME PUSSY??”

“Hey!” Deidara interjected, but he cut off at the warning look everyone else gave him. “There’s nothing wrong with being on bottom,” he muttered crossly, and Sasori instantly nodded his agreement. Hidan snorted.

“Sure there isn’t, if you’re into that sort of lame girly shit. Honestly, you’re all fucking sick.” The masochist was cut off by a rumble from his stomach. He scowled down at it for a moment. “I’m going to get some fucking breakfast,” he muttered, dropping his scythe carelessly and heading towards the kitchen. He almost smirked again as he heard everyone let out a breath of relief.

“Honestly,” he turned in the doorway to the kitchen, actually smirking this time when he saw everybody tense up. “Is it so fucking hard to believe we take turns?”